Interestingly enough, it seems my hatred of holidays and people stems from multiple traumatic experiences teaching first grade.
Now don't get me wrong. I love first graders and am often jealous of the adorable projects and crafts that first grade teachers get to do.
I also secretly stalk first grade blogs and make friends with them. I do this because there is a tiny part of my soul that wishes to teach first grade forever. So I live vicariously through them.
Then I remember Thanksgiving.
And then I remember the second day of school when everyone
I also remember Earth Day.
That black Earth Day, whilst brainstorming for a simple, yet fun, first grade writing activity, I discovered that first graders are unpredictable and sometimes, too knowledgeable.
I made a good anchor chart like a good teacher entitled: What Earth gives us.
My intention (ha.) was to create a list of things like flowers, trees... I don't know, maybe some kind of food. I would have been happy even if someone said Doritos.
Initially, everything went as planned. "Flowers!" "Trees!"
Then a sweetie said, "The Earth makes people."
Now if you teach first grade, you know the special skill that is utilized 50% of the day: Turning sentences into coherent statements that match the learning goal, while preserving enough of the child's thought that the rest of the class doesn't realize you changed it.
I replied, "Oh, yes! People live on the Earth!" I began to write it on the chart.
Normally, I would have gotten smiling nods of approval. "We love you!" They would think.
"No. Earth makes people," she repeated.
Hmm. As I scrambled for another bait and switch, another sweet voice said firmly, "Nuh-uh. God makes people!"
They argued. "No, Earth makes people." "No, God makes people." "No, Earth makes people." "No, God makes people."
I was so screwed. My head moved right to left to right to left as I frantically tried to think of something to say!
Then another voice said with sweet confidence, "Well, actually, sperm makes people."
All of my sweet, innocent, rightly-non-reproductively-educated first graders swiftly turned to the child, inquisitively.
I was frozen. He went on. "When the sperm meets the..."
As he spoke I knew what was about to come out of his mouth! The egg! He was going to talk about the ovum! The product, no doubt, of accidentally overhearing some discovery channel special!
The next moments played out in my mind... "What's sperm?" "Did your mom have a baby?" "What do you mean an egg? Like hatching?"
Triple, quadruple, holy $&%!!
"One, two, three! Eyes on me!" I yelled sharply and quickly just before the demise began.
"One, two! Eyes on you!" They chanted back. The class was silent. I was saved.
I shook my head no toward the child. He nodded.
"Time for recess!"
Luckily, I didn't get any angry parent emails. Or any follow-up sperm questions.
Oh, Earth Day. You just suck.
Even still, I supposed I'll do some kind of activity this year. I'm not such the planner, so having this ready days before the actual holiday is a major feat. Thought I'd share.
Maybe it will help my trauma?
Fun stuff alert! Katie for Teacher to the Core has compiled some awesome Earth Day freebies! Head on over to check it out!
Have a great week, friends!